I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
