is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
