I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
