Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
