I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
