i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
