He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
