That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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