Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
