I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am naked and annoyed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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