Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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