I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
