Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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