Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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