Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
