That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
