I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
