i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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