My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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