she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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