Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
