My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
