White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
