You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
