So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
