I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
