Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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