He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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