it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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