Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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