I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
