I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
