apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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