My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
