Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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