I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize