Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
