You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
