just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
