I can text with my tongue
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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