Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
