My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
