ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
