I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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