just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
