Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
