whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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