I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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