I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
