Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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