At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
