first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
