He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
