During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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