so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
