ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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