covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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