is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
