I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
