dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
