he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize