I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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