I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
