I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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