those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
