I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
