I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He is an equal opportunity slut.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
