dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
