i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
