My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize