found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
