some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
