I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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