He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize